Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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