Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
