Texts From Last Night · jesicawesome20's Favorites

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jesicawesome20's Favorites Texts:

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(512): View more from Texas

I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...

Fav 14 833 2116
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(708): View more from Illinois

There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.

Fav 12 1522 781
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(503): View more from Oregon

I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.

Fav 11 3836 965
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(973): View more from New Jersey

composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.

Fav 13 5643 1317
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