Texts From Last Night · tworkedup's Favorites

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tworkedup's Favorites Texts:

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(914): View more from New York

i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome

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(224): View more from Illinois

How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?

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(907): View more from Alaska

I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.

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(613): View more from Ontario

You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"

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(630): View more from Illinois

Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him

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