i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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