if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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