So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
