Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
