im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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