What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
