the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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