Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
