sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
