Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
