how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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