Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
