and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
