Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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