she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
