We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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