they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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