And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
