My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
