Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
