youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
