On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
