Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
