If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
