you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
