I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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