Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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