i just wanna soil my oats bro
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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