You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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