We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
