i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
