put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
