Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
