as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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