He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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