Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
