Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
