do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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