i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
