they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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