Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
