The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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