There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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