Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
