Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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