I think I am morally bankrupt
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
