theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
