great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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